A lost friend

I used to have a friend, and this friend has a long history with me. She was my kindergarten classmate. But after pre-primary, we went to different primary schools and lost contact. We actually live in the same block and her dad owned a small shop at the next block. I always see her sitting at her dad's mama shop doing her homework, but we never talked, only waved to each other.

During one of the school holidays when I was in Primary Four, she started coming to my house to play with me and my sisters. I can't remember how it started, but I vaguely remember the image of her mom bringing her to my house before she headed off for work. Initially, it was fun playing together. But after sometime, I started to find that she's not a very fun playmate because she dominates the play. I can't masak-masak the way I wanted, and being a kid who knows not much manners, I just stopped playing with her. She started to realise tt I wasn't tt keen to play w her anymore and shortly, she stopped coming.

The years went by. Fate brought us together again when we were in secondary school. During my first day in Cedar, I was posted to Sec 1/9. I knew no one in the class, or so I thought. When the classmates in my class started introducing themselves on by one, I was so shocked to hear "Li Tze". (Pls realise tt by then I have no negative feelings towards her jus because of the masak masak incident) I was quite happy actually, and I thought it was god's arrangement for us to be in the same class again! However, I dared not approach her and ask her, fearing that I might have misheard her name.

But I guess fate had something in store for us. A few days later, our class shifted from the first floor to the 4th floor (cos some sec 4 girl had her leg in her cast and needed to take over our 1st level classroom). The class seating arrangement was changed, and I actually sat next to Li Tze! So i talked to her and told her I found her familiar. Of course she recognised me too lar. We didnt hit off immediately, but I thought we had some sort of "缘分".

We were just class mates throughout sec 1. Back then, I had my own clique of friends - Shiyuan, Emily and Evon. Then dunno why, from sec 2 onwards, I introduced Li Tze to my grp of friends, and somehow she just joined our clique. So we became close friends.

But strangely, she didnt blend in totally with the clique, not because we dont like her (*cough* emily *cough*), but because she was just different from us. Different in terms of thinking, actions, the way she speaks, and even ECA ( we were all in sports eca and like sports, while she was in band). One incident happened and it was kinda like a confirmation tt we were really different.

In sec 3, one of my friends in the clique had a bf (*cough* e.... *cough*). It was natural ma, cos she was (opps I mean is =p) pretty and had that x-factor. Once, after we went out tog with her and met her bf, Li Tze told me while we were on the train "Aren't you envious of XX? She has such a good looking bf and they are a good looking couple. I wish I have a bf too." I was quite stunned. Because I dun yearn for a bf as easily as tt, and well, I wasnt really envious of XX too. Cos i lead a happy life. Well, after some time, Li Tze got herself a bf. A guy whom I know she nv really liked. Deep down, I knew she was together with him simply cos she wanted a bf. I guess she liked the attention and she could erm, show off? We were in a girls sch afterall, not many had bfs.

They didnt last and den Li Tze found a new bf, whom I believed she truly love after sometime. With this bf, everything abt our friendship changed. She couldnt spend time with us anymore. Furthermore, we went to different JCs and it was hard to meet up. Whenever we went out, she either couldnt come with us (cos need to pei bf) or she had to leave us early. Once, during evon's 18th (?) Birthday, we were celebrating at Country Manna at Suntec. As usual, she couldnt meet us. She only came over to the restaurant to pass evon her pressie and den left with her bf, who was waiting for her outside the restaurant.

And that was the last time we asked her out. Well, she never took the initiative to contact us, and the friendship ended just like that.

Two years later, I heard tt she broke up with her bf. She must have been devastated, because her bf had alr became her life. And her frends were her bf's frens. She even went to TP after a year at TJC because her bf was studying there. I thought I should contact her, but it jus wasn't appropriate to look for her. Afterall, we havent been keeping in touch for years.

Now, I know she is doing fine and she has a new bf. I wonder if I ever felt the friendship was a waste. Till now, I dunno. But one thing for sure-circumstancial friends can never be true friends. After some time, problems are bound to surface and they cant be solved. And others wont be bothered by it except yourself. Li Tze may have treated us as true friends, while we were sincerely gd friends and shared happy memories, i dont really know she was a friend whom I was totally comfortable with. At some point in time, I'm sure she has wondered abt the genuineity of the friendship and may have been upset to realise that we couldnt be life-long friends. She might even feel that her sec sch life was an illusion.. Thinking tt her sec sch life were spent with true friends... but actually.. maybe it wasn't wat it seemed.

But, i guess, what comes around goes around?