Of Boyfriends and Love

Many of us definitely have experienced this way before:

You: So, what did your boyfriend do for you on Valentines' Day?

Friend X: Ohhh, he bought me a Tiffany & Co diamond necklace! Then he treated me to a sumptous and expensive dinner at Equinox!

You: Wah.... he's willing to spend so much on you...

Friend X: Yar lor.. then you leh?

You: He just bought me a Citigems diamond pendant lor.

Friend X: Har? He didn't buy you a necklace to go with it meh??

You: No lar, he thought i have necklace liao, and the pendant quite expensive too..

Friend X: Oh. I see.

Perhaps, deep down in your heart, you envy your friend soooo much. For having such a generous boyfriend. While you are just stuck with an un-romantic and so-so boyfriend. Sometimes, you may even qian qi your bf when he is unable to treat u to a dinner and you two have to go dutch.

It took me 5 years to realise that this really shouldn't be the case, because every bf is different.. the sacrifices that they can make are also different. Like Friend X (who is imaginary btw), she probably has a bf who is filthy rich, so spending a bomb on his own gf probably isn't a sacrfice at all. But if your poor bf spends a small fortune on you, be it citigems or taka jewellery, shouldnt you be happy? Because, your bf is making a way bigger sacrifice than friend x's bf!

Sometimes i also envy my friends whose bfs drive, but i am so ashamed tt i even thought tt way for a single second. Its so materialistic and come on, being driven around doesn't make the rs any more lovely. A bf who takes the trouble to send u home by bus and den take the slow bus back home is a very sweet bf!

So, I have decided not to qian qi my bf anymore, and also the people ard me! (not tt i used to qian qi them a lot okayyy jus that I think i need to be more appreciative of them)

Quote of the day: "No sacrifice is too small to make."

So Sweet

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I'm moving~

I woke up really early this morning, the first thought that came to my mind was changing my blog add! What a good idea, it will keep out unwanted readers! So, msn or email me if u wan to know my blog add okiee. =)

A lost friend

I used to have a friend, and this friend has a long history with me. She was my kindergarten classmate. But after pre-primary, we went to different primary schools and lost contact. We actually live in the same block and her dad owned a small shop at the next block. I always see her sitting at her dad's mama shop doing her homework, but we never talked, only waved to each other.

During one of the school holidays when I was in Primary Four, she started coming to my house to play with me and my sisters. I can't remember how it started, but I vaguely remember the image of her mom bringing her to my house before she headed off for work. Initially, it was fun playing together. But after sometime, I started to find that she's not a very fun playmate because she dominates the play. I can't masak-masak the way I wanted, and being a kid who knows not much manners, I just stopped playing with her. She started to realise tt I wasn't tt keen to play w her anymore and shortly, she stopped coming.

The years went by. Fate brought us together again when we were in secondary school. During my first day in Cedar, I was posted to Sec 1/9. I knew no one in the class, or so I thought. When the classmates in my class started introducing themselves on by one, I was so shocked to hear "Li Tze". (Pls realise tt by then I have no negative feelings towards her jus because of the masak masak incident) I was quite happy actually, and I thought it was god's arrangement for us to be in the same class again! However, I dared not approach her and ask her, fearing that I might have misheard her name.

But I guess fate had something in store for us. A few days later, our class shifted from the first floor to the 4th floor (cos some sec 4 girl had her leg in her cast and needed to take over our 1st level classroom). The class seating arrangement was changed, and I actually sat next to Li Tze! So i talked to her and told her I found her familiar. Of course she recognised me too lar. We didnt hit off immediately, but I thought we had some sort of "缘分".

We were just class mates throughout sec 1. Back then, I had my own clique of friends - Shiyuan, Emily and Evon. Then dunno why, from sec 2 onwards, I introduced Li Tze to my grp of friends, and somehow she just joined our clique. So we became close friends.

But strangely, she didnt blend in totally with the clique, not because we dont like her (*cough* emily *cough*), but because she was just different from us. Different in terms of thinking, actions, the way she speaks, and even ECA ( we were all in sports eca and like sports, while she was in band). One incident happened and it was kinda like a confirmation tt we were really different.

In sec 3, one of my friends in the clique had a bf (*cough* e.... *cough*). It was natural ma, cos she was (opps I mean is =p) pretty and had that x-factor. Once, after we went out tog with her and met her bf, Li Tze told me while we were on the train "Aren't you envious of XX? She has such a good looking bf and they are a good looking couple. I wish I have a bf too." I was quite stunned. Because I dun yearn for a bf as easily as tt, and well, I wasnt really envious of XX too. Cos i lead a happy life. Well, after some time, Li Tze got herself a bf. A guy whom I know she nv really liked. Deep down, I knew she was together with him simply cos she wanted a bf. I guess she liked the attention and she could erm, show off? We were in a girls sch afterall, not many had bfs.

They didnt last and den Li Tze found a new bf, whom I believed she truly love after sometime. With this bf, everything abt our friendship changed. She couldnt spend time with us anymore. Furthermore, we went to different JCs and it was hard to meet up. Whenever we went out, she either couldnt come with us (cos need to pei bf) or she had to leave us early. Once, during evon's 18th (?) Birthday, we were celebrating at Country Manna at Suntec. As usual, she couldnt meet us. She only came over to the restaurant to pass evon her pressie and den left with her bf, who was waiting for her outside the restaurant.

And that was the last time we asked her out. Well, she never took the initiative to contact us, and the friendship ended just like that.

Two years later, I heard tt she broke up with her bf. She must have been devastated, because her bf had alr became her life. And her frends were her bf's frens. She even went to TP after a year at TJC because her bf was studying there. I thought I should contact her, but it jus wasn't appropriate to look for her. Afterall, we havent been keeping in touch for years.

Now, I know she is doing fine and she has a new bf. I wonder if I ever felt the friendship was a waste. Till now, I dunno. But one thing for sure-circumstancial friends can never be true friends. After some time, problems are bound to surface and they cant be solved. And others wont be bothered by it except yourself. Li Tze may have treated us as true friends, while we were sincerely gd friends and shared happy memories, i dont really know she was a friend whom I was totally comfortable with. At some point in time, I'm sure she has wondered abt the genuineity of the friendship and may have been upset to realise that we couldnt be life-long friends. She might even feel that her sec sch life was an illusion.. Thinking tt her sec sch life were spent with true friends... but actually.. maybe it wasn't wat it seemed.

But, i guess, what comes around goes around?

Pain and tiredness

The title of the post is kinda irrelevant to what I am gg to blog about. Although I must say that I can feel another bout of food poisoning coming.. pls dun let it come.

On a related note, I can be classified as sick because I am having the world cup fever! I have never been a fan of soccer and never will be. I dont watch all the leagues but I watch (albeit a bit) world cup. I dunno man, everyone's crazy over it and I need to be part of it too! The part tt i enjoy most abt watching soccer is the laughter and anxiousnes tt I share with my friends whenever we see a potential goal. And man, screaming and cursing just seem to be uncontrollable.

Just yesterday, I was at Cheryl's place watching the Portugal and Iran match tog w emily, andrea, shaun, grace, justin n of cos the hostess herself. Despite the flicking TV (an experience which i described as taking multi shot photos) we managed to see what was gg on at the field. We had so many hearty laughter, and one of the funniest part was when Justin just couldn't sit down on the sofa while watching tt penalty kick.

Now I would like to digress to a totally different topic. When we eat ice cream under the fan, does the ice cream melt faster?? While emily and I agreed that wind will aid the melting process, the rest of my frens think otherwise. Hmm... I wonder...

Despite the fun at Cheryl's placem these 2 days aren't really fantastic for me because I have a HELL LOT of things to deal with. I was so troubled tt I couldn't even concentrate on jogging. As we all grow older, relations are really getting more and more complicated. The problem must have been the reason why I am getting the runs! =( Ok its not i'm just being silly here.

One thing that I realised is that I seem to be having lesser and lesser friends. It is very evident because I dun get sms-es from frens everyday (or even frequently), and I dun seem to hav many friends to talk to online afterall. Self-doubt occurs and for the past few weeks, I have actually been wondering to myself if I am a hard-to-get-along person. I cant expect ppl to be truthful to me, except emily and lai lai. Whenever we have any unhappiness, we NEVER hesitate to say it out. This is a habit tt emily and I developed in JC. Thinking back, we quarreled so often, almost like bfs and gfs. But the strange thing is, we remained really strong friends. Today, tho i dun get to see her much, I am still glad that she voices out her unhappiness with me, cos it makes me realise where i am wrong (if i am wrong) or if everything was jus a misunderstanding. I guess this is the tough way to go for a friendship, but this method actually forges a stronger relationship.

Anyway I digressed again. Yes I was talking about self doubt. I may appear to be a very confident person, but seriously, when it comes to relations, I really feel that my EQ is LOW. I am too straight forward and I say things with good intentions in the wrong way. So in the process the good intentions disappear. I also HATE making small talk with strangers, though I am trying to change this. Oh man but a leopard nv changes its spots. I just wish that I have enough frens who will tell me what's wrong with me. Sometimes I look at losers and think quietly to myself whether their frens ever told them they suck. Immediately after tt, I chide myself because hey, I might just be one of those losers.

Yesterday while watching the soccer match, andrea saw the puma jersey Iran team donned. And she asked "I wonder what animal represents the Puma brand... issit jaguar?" We all just burst out laughing.

A very random-thoughts post. its like 01.41am now and I am dead tired. Shall just forget everything and go to slp.

Today, this quote from X-Men I kept running through my head. It reminds me of Jaime.
"Trust a few, fear the rest."
How true.

Post-note: I actually started writing with nothing in my mind and was staring blankly at the screen for quite some time. Wow but I managed to write so much. Woot.

A Clarification

Ok I think I wasn't v clear in my previous post.. Sugar mentioned tt he, being a person whom I dunno, doesnt see the reason in leaving his real name behind etc. I must say I totally agree with him.

I guess I should clarify that "Annoymous losers" as defined by me are people whom I know/people who know me, and these people read my blog (secretly?). In a normal blog post, these annoymous losers do not leave any comments. However, when they read something tt they do not agree with, they hide behind a peuseodym and post hurtful comments. The reason why they hide behind the title of an annoymous reader is because they are afraid of letting the blogder(i.e. their friends or people whom they know) know that they are capable of saying such stuffs to ppl they know. They definitely didn't identify themselves as annoymous readers jus because they dunno the person who writes the blog. These readers will probably post comments in their own names ONLY when they have good comments or nice things to say.

In Cheryl's case, I feel that that annoymous reader definitely knows Cheryl. He doesnt want to spoil his friendship with Cheryl, yet at the same time he doesnt agree with Cheryl views and wants to voice out. In normal circumstances, this person would probably jus shut his mouth. But in the annoymous blogosphere, he knows that he can hurt people without others knowing. This thought, or this intention, is very morally incorrect. For me, I will never ever comment in mabel's rs's or 31's blog annoymously. If there's sth I dun agree, I wont rebutt them cos it's really their blog and they are entitled to their own views.

People like Sugar, whom I believe is speaking the truth when he/she said tt he/she doesn't know me and I dunno him/her. I am totally okay with you leaving a comment. Because u read my blog for leisure and not to find fault with me or to write hurtful stuffs. Well, even when u want to write hurtful stuffs, I identity u as Sugar! At least I know its this person called sugar... "annoymous" can be like anyone.

Yeah tt's abt all tt I wanna say..
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Stupide me left the car keys in the car today and locked myself out of the car!! Was working at Changi Fire Stn today and I went back to the car to do sth. I left the car keys on the car seat and den got out of the car. After like 5 seconds, I realised tt i left the keys in the car. At tt instant, I had a feeling of deja vu because I was reminded of this incident tt happened prolly ten yrs back. I left the car leaving the car keys in the car tt time, and my cousin (the owner of the car) and I were jus stranded at his friend's place. His house was like 10 km away, and there was no puublic transport (we were at a more remote area of msia). I wanted to die there and then and I felt so guilty!! My cousin had to call home and get his bro to brg the spare keys down!

Ok back to now. I went back n tried the door. It was locked!!! Had to call back office and get my leader to come down n open the door. -_-''' I feel so bad!! I've gotta stop being so blur and bimbo! Grow up Yingying!!!!

Annoymous Losers

In a world where there are more and more modes of communication, there are also more and more ways to be annoymous. In the past, how can we remain annoymous? We could only
1) Talk face to face - no way to remain annon
2) Talk on the phone - I can recognise your voice
3) Write letters - You pass to me I will know its you
4) Ask others to pass the letter - I recognise your handwriting

Unless u prank call me using public telephones tho.

But now?! I can send an annoymous sms to you throught internet sms... I can MSN you using an annoymous MSN account.. I also can send hate mails.. I STILL can prank call u and write you letters - I can always type out!

Recently, the new way of communicating is through leaving annoymous comments on blogs. How underhand is that.

Not to mention "Sugar", an annoymous reader of my blog... well but he/she is still okay, at least no harmful n irritating comments..

Recently, my friend, Cheryl, also kenna an annoymous reader of her blog. A really irritatin person, I must say. And I really 佩服 Cheryl's tolerance for him. (I am assuming a guy here cos only guys are afraid of letting others know their balls size) Well, Cheryl went to watch The Da Vinci Code and she said on her blog tt it was a nice show-HER BLOG=She is entitled to her own views and comments. But this ball-less annoymous guy left a comment implying that she shouldnt like the show cos of her religion. Which to me is:

To me, having faith in one's religion and liking a controversial show is not correlated. Well anyway, my point is, this loser here apparently seems to know Cheryl. He is afraid tt Cheryl will disapprove him as a friend if he leaves tt comment there with his name. And so, being the ball-less him, he left an annoymous comment. Recently, he left yet another comment on her blog again, which I dun wan to elaborate, cos I dun wan to waste time talking abt a penis-less guy like him.

To all ANNOYMOUS people out there,

Have the guts to admit the things that you say. Dun hide behind your computer screen and leave hurtful or irritating comments to people, AND especially people whom you know. Ever heard of the chinese saying "一人做事一人当" and "敢做敢当"? I really despise such losers. PUI.

Heart Breaks and Break ups

Being a grown up now, I often hear about and talk about friends breaking up, betrayal in a relationship, unhappiness with the other half etc etc.. The one tt I hate to talk about the most is betrayal. Being a 过来人 myself, surviving a betrayal ain't an easy task.

Feelings of anger, confusion, self doubt, hatred etc all mixed together. The only questions tt goes throught the head is "Why?". Suddenly, 24 hours a day seems way too much. Sleeping the time away isn't a solution too, because dreams bring us back to the happy times and when we wake up, the sudden hit from reality is really too much to bear.

It is really impossible to understand how betrayal feels like. Unless you've been through it, you will not be able to comprehend that complicated feeling and the terrible effects of it. Being an outsider, it is always easy to say "Oh man he was such a jerk! So what if he was nice to you in the past? The fact remains that he betrayed you and if he really cared for you, he wouldnt have done that!" A thought that makes perfect sense. Yet, fond memories are often stronger than logic. Day after day after day, a betrayed person is constantly at battle with his/her own thoughts. Trying to accept reality and yet, hoping to run away from it.

You may also tell ur friend "I think you should go out with your friends more often and keep yourself occupied." But making a trip outdoors isn't an easy task at all. Everywhere is images of you and him together. The lift lobby, the bus stop, the food court, Orchard, Suntec, the beach.... everything. There wont be a single place where you wont be reminded of him. Tell me how can you recover from the betrayal when you see him everywhere?

It takes both hands to clap. In a relationship, both parties are usually responsible for whatever that happens. The same goes for betrayal? I dunno. Until this day, I am still thinking about this question. But from what I see, many times, betrayal happens when the other half is too nice. This fuels the desire for the other partner to do sth naughty.

I really hate to see the people around me getting betrayed. Or maybe I should say that I hate to see people being betrayed in general. So friends, please know that your actions affect the people around you. And what comes around goes around.

No Title

Its the start of World Cup, and the begining of misery for girlfriends like me who dunno how to appreciate soccer. Just today, I got sent home at 8 plus because there was a match at 9pm.

Life's kinad mundane now, but i'm not complaining! Everyday I do the same things over and over again but hey! It doesnt feel like routine!Let me slack for another month or so.

Now that I am sooo free, I've got no excuses for not exercising.. this period of time is also probably the only period where I am free to do what I want. Who knows what will happen will work starts. I wont be able to say bye bye to my tummy anymore. So for the past month or so, I've been jogging more frequently than ever before, otherwise I'm going to be so guilty for being a couch potato. I try to jog every alternate day, FIVE KILOMETRES every time (not week). I am so proud of myself can?! So i roughly jog like 3 times a week, which amounts to FIFTEEN LONG LONG KILOMETRES. The past 3 weeks were good. I look forward to jogging and i feel good after jogging.

This week, terrible week. My butt just feels so heavy everytime i jog. And I get this dull ache on my shoudler halfway thru my run. Recently, it is followed by a weird creaking and strain at my ankles and kness. And the worst thing is, I get fainting spells after jogging. Cant even like stand straight and my vision is blurred by patches of black. Poor me. I think I am getting old. All the talk abt jogging making me fitter is like bullshit.
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I went to collect my convocation gown yesterday! It felt so weird when I tried on my gown. Obviously I looked weird also. Convo gowns arent v nice dresses afterall. I wonder how I would feel at the convocation ceremony.

After tt, it was off to Geylang Lorong 9 for some oyster omelette, mee hun kwey, stingray and venison meat! Courtesy of Miss Mabelline Low and Mr Low. =) Everytime I go to that place, two things will amuse me.

1) Mabel's father's employee. Everytime I see him, I will remember his car. And that thought will naturally make me feel like laughing. Well but I shall not elaborate about it here, Miss Mabel might wanna mention abt it in her blog one day. But I like the employee. He seems kind.

2) Ruishan and cats. At least 2 cats are residents of Geylang Lorong 9. Like my fear of cockroaches, Ruishan has a fear of cats too. Well, at least Rs doesnt wish for their deaths, while I pray for the extinction of cockroaches. They are disgusting creatures.
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I'm starting to like reading 8 days! It has become more entertaining than Cleo. Cleo seems to be running out of ideas to write about. And i get bored easily reading it.

I was reading 8 Days today and this week's issue is about numbers. And since it is also the begining of world cup, 8 days mentioned about Singapore's vision to make it to the world cup in 2010. 8 Days prediction? Year 20100. I just burst out laughing. I think it's so funny. I dunno why I am so easily amused!

Ok i seem to like to burst out laughing these days. Shall try not to. =x

What a funny day

I'm so amused today. I went out with lai lai cos he was given the day off to do his subject registration. We went out together to walk ard and den at night, we had sushi for dinner. At sakae sushi, there was these two girls sitting at the table in front of me. Lai lai's back was facing them. One girl looked quite pretty, while the other one was a bit fat and well, jus not so pretty lar. The not-so-pretty girl was facing me, and man! She was talking at the top of her voice! I bet the whole of sakae sushi could hear what she was saying.

Apparently, she is waiting to go Uni, and SMU and NTU has accepted her. So she was contemplating which one to go to. "Both SMU and NTU want me liao leh, but I really dunno which one to choose! Haiyo so fan! I mean, both are good schools, ohhh its so hard to choose! WHich one should I go to??" And yadda yadda yadda.

Lai lai couldnt see who was talking, so he asked me "Who's the girl talking? So loud... chio or not?" Den he turned ard to see for himself. Then he walked over to the table. He bent over and said with a smile"Hi, I overheard your conversation. I'm actually from NTU. Well, since you dunno where to go, may I suggest that you go to hell?" Still smiling, he den walked back to our table, leaving the girl dumb founded.

Wahahhaha I think it was so funny. Ok lar, i made up the part where he walked over to tell tt girl. He told me only lar. hahahhaha.

Cheer up

Here's something to cheer me up:

A Complaint Post

I want to complain. I shall remain calm and objective throughout the whole complaint post.

Today I went to do my part time work.. my close friends will know what company I work for.. Well briefly, my job requires me to distribute complimentary cans of XX(A type of drink) to increase public awareness and education the public about the actual effects of the drink. So everytime I work, I will need to get cartons of such drinks (24 cans in each carton, each can is 250ml), chill them in a huge cooler (cooler is in the car boot), drive around with a collegue in a company car around Singapore. Today, as usual, I wanted to get the drinks from the storeroom, where the cartons of drinks are. But they were stacked sooo highhhh.

Obviously, I can jus take the cartons from the bottom, cos all the drinks will topple. So I needed help. In the company, there are 6 guys.

So my team leader made a comment loudly "The cans are stacked so high, how can we bring them down?"

One guy answered "I also dont know, its your problem, you have to solve it yourself." Ok let me explain that these guys' job scopes do not include helping us to carry stuffs. Later, he added "Hmmm. I think you girls will need a ladder. Let me go and see where's the ladder." So off he went to find the ladder. Then he came back AND HANDED ME THE FREAKING LADDER.

"There you go~" he smiled.

So I went to the storeroom. Immediately my team leader came over to help me.

Even after standing on the ladder, my team leader couldn't really reach the top. She had to really stretch to reach. And you know lar, one carton is so heavy. Even if she managed to reach it will take a lot of strength to take it down. What I could do was stand there and help her to move those cartons that she carried down to one side. And we did all these right in front of all the guys. NONE of them came forward to help.

So what if it wasnt within their jobscope to carry those things? Not that I am so fragile that I need their help in everything. But I feel like this is sth like labour job, which us girls only have limited ability to do. Guys, if you are reading these, pls tell me I am not asking too much from the guys in the company. If i am indeed asking too much, tell me why is it so. I cannot think of a reason.

Lai lai told me "Maybe it is the company policy that guys don't help girls out."