My Fish

It's alive again!! I'm so gladdddd.

I guess it jus had a bacteria infection or sth...

Oh man oh man!!

My Dear Fish

I came back after my International Economics Paper today, feeling quite satisfied tt the paper was do-able. As usual, I came back and den sat down in front of my computer doing meaningless things. And I so happened glanced over to look at my goldfish. How come there’s only one?? Where’s the other? For a moment, I was so scared. Den I found it behind the plant, motionless. ORh maybe it’s jus slping.. phew.

5 min later, it was still there. Something seemed wrong.. I realized it was kinda weak.. and… I felt it. That feeling. It’s going to leave me. I was so frantic, so worried, but I cant hug it, I cant make it feel better. I tried feeding it.. it responded to the food.. but I could see tt it was struggling jus to stay in the water..

It tried to swim.. but everytime when it momentarily stops, it floats straight up to the water surface.. it hurts me so much jus to see it struggle.. everytime it was about to turn over.. it will swim down to keep afloat...

What’s wrong with my fish? I know it’s gg to die I know.. I couldn’t help but cry. My goldfish is v precious to me.. although I cant touch it, and it perhaps don’t even recognize me.. but it brought me so much joy.. I really dun wan to see it leave me jus like tt. It’s too sudden. The morning before I left my room it was still normal.. swimming around..

Perhaps most of you don’t understand how I feel. But it is a life, a being. Why must it die so fast.. I really put in so much effort to take good care of it I really did.. I feel so helpless.. I see the fish struggling to swim I cant help it to swim.. I cant even touch it I can only touch the fish bowl. Is it in pain now? I really hope not..

All I can do is stare.. stare and stare…

It pains me a lot to see it struggling. I feel so alone. No one can help me with the fish. No one understands the pain of losing it. I know many of you think tt it is jus a fish only wats the big deal. U dun understand..

I rather it dies soon.. at least that will put my fish out of its misery.. I really really love my fish a lot..

A-series-of-blog-entries-in-one

It's been soooo long since i last blogged, fingers are darn itchy. I have a paper later at 130 but heck lar, I dont want to study alrdy.

I guess now most of my friends have alrdy finished their exams.. except for eric n rs. Argh, it feels torturous. Am i supposed to feel upset and sian that ppl ard me have finished exams and are all slowly moving out of hall? It's alright to feel that way right? Or am i not supposed to be a least bit bothered tt ppl are alrdy freed? To be envious of others and be sian of studying? Isn't it just natural to feel that way? And to complain a bit? Well, apparently not. I am supposed to be non-chalant abt it and jus not feel a weeeeeee bit envious when ppl say "Finally last paper tmr..". I'm supposed to love studying a lot! and love studying when ALL (ok a generalisation) my friends are having fun! WOW!

Ok enough.

When i was studying jus now, i suddenly start pondering the reasons why i want to study so hard. Is it really that impt to earn big bucks? If yes, why do i want to earn big bucks? Well i realised that whenever i think abt how much i will earn when i work, i think about how much money i am gg to give my parents. Of cos i think abt how to splurge the money too lar. But i guess the main reason is jus to give my parents a good life.

Which then leads me to the qn whether earning big bucks is my main goal in life. So i came up with a scenario. Do i want to earn lotsa money, buy lotsa diamonds, cosmetics, go for bust enhancement treaments the REST OF MY LIFE, or do I jus want to lead a happy and simple life? You all know the answer lar.

Whats the point of looking good and rich when deep down you are feeling lonely and empty? The purpose of life is simply jus to be happy. But why do some ppl wanna earn lotsa money drive a big car? As a simple woman, I dont think i wanna marry someone who earns big bucks. Because these men are usually those with affairs. They are rich and they attract all sorts of women because of their wealth. ANd the poor wife gets nothing in return for being his pillar of support.

男怕入错行. nu怕嫁错郎

I have a life long goal now: Marry a good man. And i truly hope i meet one.

**Homesick**

Stuck in hall on a beautiful sunday morning. Although i know that there are many ppl stuck here with me, I still cant help but feel upset.

Next week at this time, I'll be one of the few ppl still stuck here.

Pls jus lemme get this over and done with.

Bleahzzz
================================

Helpless

No one, abosolutely no one, can imagine the frustration I am gg thru.

It just had to happened to me on such an impt day.

Today is AA102 exam. SRC Hall F, seat no. 839. forever etched in my mind.

There were 3 questions, 1st one on OA, 2nd on ABC and 3rd on Variances.

Frankly speaking, the paper was do-able. I studied more than enough, read thru ABC 3or4 times. Read through OA and made notes. And the last thing i studied for was Variances.

Spotted all the questions correctly.

I know, i know tt i could have done well for the paper. Because I was very well prepared.

But today, I learnt that being well prepared isn't everything.

While standing outside Hall F waiting to enter, I felt very nervous, more nervous than usual. Perhaps because of the high expectations that i have of myself, and I know I will do well if i put in effort. But there was this weird feeling, tt kept bugging me. That sorta told me tt it ain't gonna be easy. But i jus kept telling myself I'll be fine.

(Outside hall F)
Eric: Dunno why today my stomach so painful.
Me: Haha, you must be too stressed. Later go inside dun think abt ur stomach ah. Den the pain will go away. If really needa go toilet, you think of a strategy now. How you are gg to walk out and run to the toilet (cos it's v far)
Eric, me, rs: [laughs]

Den we entered the hall.. bleahz, freezing cold.. I sat down at my seat, feeling sorta queasy. 2 more minutes.. argh so nervous. "Pls do not turn over the paper.. do not write anything.. open the cover of ur calculator.." Argh so nervous. "Stop being nervous lar, everything will be fine.. it always turns out fine." So nervous..

"You may begin now."

Frantically flipped over the paper. Read read read, read and digest quickly and get the pen moving! Read!! Hey read, not look at the words!

"Dear good students.. there are 3 qns and 4 pages.. look at qn one and read the NOTE.."

Shut up shut up, I'm trying to read.

Oh no.. so difficult to understand.. Just read jus read.. I will under stand soon..

So cold. My toes are so cold. Whats tt weird feeling in my stomach? Jus read jus read... ok now write down the points.. dun panic lar, very easy ma.

Argh, how come the weird feeling is more intense? how come it's so cold? Oh no why is my bladder so full? Aiya, finish the paper den say lar.. jus write jus write..

Argh fuck it lar, go toilet, den can do the paper in peace. Mayb shit if got time.

(Back in hall)
What the hell. wat patient days?? how to calculate cost for hospital?? TMD. Why is tt funny feeling back? AIYA JUS CONCENTRATE ON THE PAPER LAR! STOP THINKING ABOUT YOUR PATHETIC TUMMY! AND STOP FEELING COLD!

Oh no.. how to calculate variance? Ok relax.. I remember the formula.. Huh? WIP?? Finished goods? Why variances got process costing?? Shit.. THINK ABT VARIANCE LAR, STOP THINKING ABOUT TT PAIN IN UR TUMMY!

"Please stop writing.."
==========

I am angry, i dunno wad to do. Why is it tt a simple paper i also cant do? why?? i studied wad! No, I studied HARD!

Because, I had a stomachache.

I came out of the exam hall, with a sinking feeling. I know, I did badly for it.

I am not those kinda fake ppl who come out of the exam pretending to look sian cos the paper was difficult, just so to be like the majority who found the paper diff, and den complain abt how difficult it is, when deep down i know i will do well. Don't leave comments saying tt 'aiya u so smart scared for wad. no matter wad also will get good grades lar. u think too much lar.' If you dare say tt, den u fuck the wall.

Just need to vent my frustrations

I am now in the midst of doing acc 2 past yr papers.

My aim was to finish it by 1 pm.

But it is 1.10, AND I STILL HAVE ONE MORE QN TO GO.

I'M SO SICK OF NOT BEING ON TIME IT'S SICKENING THE HELL OUT OF ME.

relax relax... take a deep breath.. my GE taught to how to maintain my composure when i'm overly aroused.. think of a relaxing place.. listening to your favourite music.. focus on process goals not outcome... do things that will calm you down.. so i decided to blog a while.

Every morning i wake up with dread. Argh, days pass by v quickly. before i know it. before i can even lift up my pen to write. before i can even flip my book. 我真得很xiannnnn.

And i still have 2 more weeks to go. Think i will just breakdown.

For those of you who will be free soon, BURN IN HELLLLLLLLLLL.
(ok i dun wanna see u all burn in hell lar, need to vent my frustrations ma.)

Who will you marry?

1) After much hardwork, he has finally made it. All through the years, you've been by his side, encouraging him and being the pillar of support tt you;ve always been. Now he finally made it big. He's so thankful to you.. and to repay it all, he wants to marry you. Afterall, you two have been together for so long already, and he has the status and all the money now. Of course you agreed happily. You know he will treat you well, he has the financial ability to give u a comfortable life.

You have been married for 15 years already. He is already in his fourties, and you, in your late thirties. You gave him 2 kids, one boy one girl. Your family lives in a big house and he drives a luxury car. What a perfect family.. BUT. He changed. Or maybe all along he was like this, but you never noticed cos you were too in love with him. He is always busy with his work.. when he comes back he expects a good meal and the bath ready. He hardly talks to you or his children. The children know him as a very distant character in the family. Once in a while, he showers you with a gift from Tiffany & Co., or gives you money to splurge.

One day, you urgently need to go over to your friend's place, it seems that her husband has left her for someone else and she's feeling sucidal. You want to rush over as soon as possible, of course you'll tell your husband to drive u there! He refused, saying he's too tired and his time is too precious to be wasted on your friend. It is raining cats and dogs. Faced with no choice, you walked out to the main road to wait for a cab. The rain is so heavy that an umbrella is useless..

================

2) He has always been great. A great boyfriend, a great listener, a fantastic friend. He treats you very well, puts you in front of everything.. However, he didnt made it to uni, while you did, He went to poly, but he is someone who is willing to learn, and to strive. He studied hard and when he finally came out to society to work, he didnt earn big bucks, because of his educational level. But because of his hardworking nature, he could still earn a reasonable pay. Of course now he proposes to you and you marry him.

AFter years of saving, you two managed to buy a 4 room HDB flat. You have 2 kids, one boy one girl. You lead an okay life.. everyday you have to try and save every cent whenever you can, so that you can provide a better life for your children. He cannot afford to splurge on you, you dont have the money to buy nice clothes.. BUT. He's always there for the family, for the children. When u just came birth to your daughter, he comes back every afternoon during lunchtime to check tt you are okay, he brings the son to nursery, and dispose the rubbish all the time. you dont have to lift a single finger to do the housework.

One day, the same scenario happened. He braved the rain with you to take a cab, and waited outside your friend's house for you.

======================

Who will you choose? The first man can provide you with a comfortable life.. and he's not having an affair! Afterall, you can find pleasure in shopping and spending all his money! The second man cant do all that. He doesnt even have a car.. and everyday you worry about whether you can save enough for the children's education. How?

我的牛车水。。

牛车水--一个让我回味无穷的地方。

它带给我许多美好的回忆。

我曾经和一个对我来说很特别的人一起去牛车水。

虽然那里没什么东西可以看，没什么好逛的，可是我们就是喜欢。

喜欢那里的宁静，那里不同凡响的美。

当然，还有那里的食物。哈哈。

那里的食物又便宜，又好吃。

也有一个人和我分享那种无法形容的感觉。

现在已经没有我们了， 那种感觉也失去了。

我好想念牛车水，好想念那种幸福的感觉。。

IRRITATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is soo irritating!!!!!

I'm into my PA(professional attachment) selection phase 3, when 99% of my friends already have a company.

At least there's still ying wai to show my sorrows with.

Why is it that i cant get the co. that i want?

Are my results so lousy? It's not like i'm a straight Cs students or wad..

Ying wai concluded tt phase 1 tests our resume writing skills, phase 2 tests our luck, and phase 3 tests our mouse clicking skills.

Apparently I am considered an unskilled labourer in these 3 aspects.

I've jus browsed through the cos. in phase 3 round 2. Everything is either acc related, mkting related or hr related.

Why do i have to attach to these cos? ISn't it an utter waste of my time to do work tt are entirely unrelated to my specialisation? And so what if i am good at them? Does it add any value to my resume at the end of the day? If my results were lousy, I will ren ming. Afterall, cos will rather choose smart ppl than stupid ones. BUT THE FACT IS I AM NOT THATTTTT STUPID! Jus because i am unlucky, i dont get the attachment of my specialisation. Does that make sense? Does that sound fair? I really dun think so.

People who already have their cos. wont understand me n ying wai's feelings. I dont even know it phase 3 has enough cos for us to go around. My sixth sense tells me that I will end up getting a co that is in the west, unheard of and requires me to do telemarketing. And i hate telemarketing through and through. Arghhhhhhhhh.

Why must NTU make us go thru PA? Esp when they jolly well know that there wont be enough companies to go around! And some poor souls will have to be attached to cos that wont ever cross their paths in life. If they want us to go thru PA, the least tt they can do is make sure that there are enough economic related or BnF related cos! And not let unlucky ppl do work that they dont want to! that wont add value to their lives! Otherwise, dun use luck to determine our fates! At least use resume writing skills to determine! At least i will know that i lose to others cos of my lousy writing skills! NTU jus proved to me tha the world is an unfair place. PUI!

their butts are facing me.. hahahhah

here's the other one! I simply adore them!! but they dun hav names.. =(

jus feel like posting some pictures.. look! my fish!!

Silly Girls~

girls are really silly. hmm.. perhaps stupid is a more suitable word.

Girls in general are very trusting. (or issit me? *ponders*)

we tend to trust ppl easily, and confide our problems to these ppl..

which is a HUGE mistake.

we tend to do this more often when we're upset/feeling down.

Many times, i have confided in the wrong people.

People, whom at that time, seem so trustworthy, even though i dunno them well.

It jus seemed so appropriate at that time. And at that time, i really totally believe that they wont tell..

I think i even told them secrets that perhaps my good friends or family dont even know.

Thinking back, and putting myself into the shoes of those 'trustworthy' poeple, I believe i would have leaked out the secret. (but mind you, i'm great at keeping secrets...) Afterall, these people arent impt in my life, tell others their secret, dont make a difference to their lives wad, right?

Let me jus illustrate this point with a scenario. Imagine that you r 2 months pregnant. Being a student, you definitely dont have the finances to start a family. You decided to abort it. Feeling very distressed and disturbed, you felt that you need to talk to someone, but definitely not ur close frens or family. They probably cannot take the shock. Then came along a friend of yours.. not close... perhaps just a tutorial mate whom you occasionally have lunch with, or it could be your hall friend. They seemed so concerened and nice.. you cant help but blurt out the truth because you think they will sympathise with you and understand your plight.

BUT MIND YOU, THIS PERSON DEFINITELY WILL TELL SOMEONE. CONFIRM + CHOP + GUARANTEE. This person may not tell your gd frens or anyone related to you, but he or she will definitely tell his/her gd fren.. and the conversation probably goes this way:

你懂那个XX hor，neh我的tutorial那个lor。。 蛮sweet的。。 她pregnant了 leh! Can you believe it? Ya! she actually 跟我讲咯！but你不要跟别人讲leh!

Your life has been utterly ruined by this person. I'm not trying to say that this person is very bad to leak out your secret. Chances are she has no ill intentions, she jus need to let it off her chest, exactly the same reason why you told her your secret.

Or you may think that it's okay to tell someone whom you dunno, wont affect you wad.. but imagine tt she sees you in sch.. she looks at you differently. And if she sees you when she's tog with some of her friends, it is highly likely she is gg to tell them your secret also. She's not your friend, she's not obliged to keep tt secret! Den her friends tell their friends... and you may never know.. one day.. tt lil secret of yours could reach your closed ones' ears.. *shudders*

So, what i am trying to put across is that you should always tell your secrets to ppl whom you hav trusted all your life. and make sure tt they are long time frens. otherwise keep your mouth shut. If you know a secret, keep it to yourself.. dont go ard telling ppl.. even if it's ppl whom you r close to/ppl who wont ever know who ur fren is..you wont want others to do the same to you.

Guys are all f*ckers

Sometimes the thought of guys really puts me offfff.
Especially now in university, these kinda loser guys are jus EVERYWHERE.
Arghhhh.
Well, there're many different categories of f*ucker guys, lemme categorise them.

(1) Snatchers
These kind of guys come to uni girlfriend-less. They are like wild animals who have been kept in the zoos for 2.5 yrs. Once they come to uni, they unlease all their pent up hunger for a mate, and goes around looking for female preys. They fall in love with the first decent looking girl that they see. Attached already lar, you may say. But it makes no diff. This f*cker will try means and ways to break up the couple, and his job becomes easier if the girl's bf is still in army. Persistence, car, money and time seems to be the keys to success. A perfectly lovey-dovey couple is being separated by this animal.

(2) Desperados
These guys comein uni, again girlfriend-less.Budden, they arent as wild as those snatchers mentioned above, because they couldnt meet any girls that are alrdy attached and show interest in them. So to the general NTU population, these kinda guys seem normal, on the surface. Then comes along a girl, not bad, average, seems like an okay girlfriend. She starts to show interest in the guy, and even though the uy doesnt like her, this is what goes thru his head.

"ok wad, she's not like ugly.. 难得got girls fancy me leh. And i dun even have to put in effort to woo her, 她自己送上门来，我为何要拒绝她呢？"

Then they get together.. after a while, he sees another girl who is slightly prettier, and he starts to fancy this girl, and ditch the gf. Even if he doesnt see another better girl, he will still ditch his gf eventually because he doesnt have true love for her, and he nv had to put in effort to get her, which means he wont cherish her.

(3) Ultimate f*ckers
These guys come to uni attached. But coming to a new envirnoment with so many girls (note tt i didnt say pretty), they start to stray. (i've already said they are animals, and animals STRAY) They see a girl who seems interesting(let's jus assume this girl is single so tt category 3 guys dont seem tt bad[is it possible?]), then starts to get friendly with this girl. Despite the fact that they already have gf.. they still continue to be friendly. And despite the fact tt they know that by doing so, the possibility of not loving their gfs anymore is high. The fact that they continue with the mistake is UNACCETABLE INTORLERABLE IMPROPER AND INHUMANE. They end up hurting the gf badly. I have more to say about such guys, i mean, beasts, but i shall jus stop here.

(4) Loserish desperates
This kinda guys put girls off! They are desperate to the max. Seeing a girl who seems cute, the immediately ask their friends(who knows this girl) for her handphone no. This is usually what they say:

"eh你的朋友啊？很chio leh!! 介绍我认识啦... 给我她的电话号码leh..."

To all guys who fall under this category: NO GIRLS IN THE RIGHT MIND AND NO GIRLS WHO ARE CHIO WILL GIVE YOU THEIR HP NO! STOP ASKING FOR THE IMPOSSIBLE! EVEN IF YOU ARE CUTE ALSO IMPOSSIBLE. LOSERS!(but if u are talking about sluts or girls who arent pretty, den i cant comment cos i am not them. this doesnt imply tt i'm saying i'm chio, just that i have the right mind)

--=END=---
so tiring to slam guys. yw pls tell me i am right..